Longing for the Dawn

Moses at SinaiA song of ascents. From the depths I called You, Hashem. O Lord, hear my voice, may Your ears be attentive to the sound of my pleas. If Your preserve iniquities, O God, O Lord, who could survive? For with You is forgiveness, that You may be feared. I put confidence in Hashem, my soul put confidence, and I hoped for His word, My soul [yearns] for the Lord, among those longing for the dawn, those longing for the dawn. Let Israel hope for Hashem, for with Hashem is kindness, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He shall redeem Israel from all its iniquities.Psalm 130 (Stone Edition Tanakh)

It’s been almost six months since I started this experiment. I feel as if I’m no closer to what I’ve been looking for than when I made this life transition last May. I’m not getting any younger, God.

On the other hand, how long did Abraham and Sarah wait before the birth of Isaac? How long did Isaac wait before the coming of Rebecca, his bride? How long did Jacob wait before he could marry Rachel? How long has every Jew who ever lived waited for the coming of the Messiah? Christians continue to wait for the return of Jesus. How long, O Lord, how long must we wait?

Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe it’s just how life works.

We’ve all been so busy lately. My wife returned to work and she is hardly at home these days. I can’t remember the last time she was able to help out in the library at the Reform shul or with an event at Chabad, let alone the last time she or my daughter went to worship at synagogue. It seems like we’re all running around to this place or that, doing one thing or another. To confess, even Shabbat barely seems like any sort of break in activity compared to the rest of the week (I know you must all think I’m terrible).

The NIV Bible translates Psalm 130:6 as:

I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

lost-in-the-mistAs strange as it may sound to most of you reading these words, my journey of faith has been mostly in darkness or at best, in a half-light. I seem to see what I’m looking for, but I can only picture it dimly (1 Corinthians 13:12), as if I’m straining to see the light of a lamp sitting on the window sill of a home away in the distance. The fog has rolled in and night is upon me. I am chilled to the bone and walk the trail in the darkness alone, with miles before me until my goal, and only the strange ebony sky and unfamiliar territory are my companions.

But more than the watchman at the walls of a besieged city, surrounded by foes and death, do I wait for the morning. “My soul yearns for the Lord, among those longing for the dawn.”

It’s only been six months. Abraham waited for decades for his “miracle” and even after Isaac was born, there were many challenges such as the Akedah and the death of his beloved Sarah. Finally, “Abraham breathed his last, dying at a good ripe age, old and contented; and he was gathered to his kin” (Genesis 25:8 JPS Tanakh) and another generation picked up the banner, and then another, and another, and…

But I am here now and I am waiting like a watchman in the night. I’m not even sure what I’m waiting for or what it will look like when it arrives (assuming it will ever arrive). I suppose I could say, like any other Christian, that I’m waiting for Jesus to return, but I’m waiting for something else before that. What it is, I cannot say, but I do know that it has not come yet and the longing is still here. Is it belonging? Is it illumination? Is it clarity of purpose? I don’t know.

Maybe I’m just waiting for God to tell me what I’m waiting for. Whatever comes out of this will probably end up being very different from what I’d planned. But then it is His will and not my will that must prevail.

Until I reach whatever God has sent to find me, like a soldier preparing for battle or a watchman at the walls of his city at night, I stare into the darkness and pray for even the faintest sign that there will come the dawn.

nightsky1

Abraham’s Servant

abrahams-servantMany see the value of spirituality, and perhaps its necessity. They seek to infuse their lives with spirituality and nurture their relationship the Al-mighty. How does one begin to live such a life?

Abraham sends his servant Eliezer to find a wife for his son Isaac. The Torah, known for its brevity in the general narrative and in outlining the commandments, describes Eliezer’s search in uncharacteristic detail. Our Sages are lead to conclude that “G-d finds more beauty in the regular conversation of our Forefather’s servants than in the children’s Torah” (Rashi, Gen. 24:42 based on Midrash). How could anything be more beautiful than Torah, His Mitzvos (commandments) that guide us how to live life to its fullest?

Let’s observe Eliezer in action (Gen. 24): He arrived at the well where he’d meet Isaac’s bride Rebecca, and he took a moment to pray to G-d for help. As matters unfolded, Eliezer stood back and recognized G-d’s hand in the success of the mission. He began to see success, he then bowed to G-d and said a prayer of thanks. He recounted the events to Rebecca’s family and pointed to G-d’s hand throughout. The family agreed to the marriage and Eliezer bowed in thanks to G-d.

What’s the ultimate beauty of G-d’s Torah? It brings us to recognize and build our relationship with the Al-mighty. That’s spirituality in a nutshell, and there’s no greater joy. Abraham’s servant, amidst all that occurs, maintains that relationship; he lives with the constant awareness of G-d’s presence in his personal life. G-d Himself finds that most beautiful!

-Rabbi Mordechai Dixler
Program Director, Torah.org – Project Genesis

And he said, “O Lord, God of my master Abraham, grant me good fortune this day, and deal graciously with my master Abraham: Here I stand by the spring as the daughters of the townsmen come out to draw water; let the maiden to whom I say, ‘Please, lower your jar that I may drink,’ and who replies, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels’-let her be the one whom You have decreed for Your servant Isaac. Thereby shall I know that You have dealt graciously with my master.”Genesis 24:12-14

I receive the Project Genesis Lifeline email on Friday morning, which is usually too late to use as a source for my Torah Portion “morning meditation”, since I write each blog post a day ahead. This is why I tend to comment on a given Torah portion right before and right after Shabbat. This commentary from Rabbi Dixler surprised me a little, not in what he said, but in the fact that he posted a photo of Denver Bronco’s Quarterback Tim Tebow praying before a game. Why use Tebow as an example when Rabbi Dixler could have as easily used a photo of a Jew davening? I looked up Tebow (I’m not a football fan) on Wikipedia and found this:

Tebow was born in Makati City in the Philippines, the son of Pamela Pemberton Tebow, daughter of a U.S. Army colonel, and Robert Ramsey Tebow, a pastor, who were serving as Christian Baptist missionaries at the time.

All of the Tebow children were homeschooled by their mother, who worked to instill the family’s Christian beliefs along the way.

I’m probably reading more into this than is really there, but as I recall, the servant of Abraham was not a Hebrew (some Rabbis consider him a Ger Toshav) and yet he gives us our first example of a personal prayer in the Torah. It’s also interesting that the servant refers to God as, “O Lord, God of my master Abraham” rather than as “my God” or just “God”.

It’s often thought that one of Abraham’s virtues was that he taught all of his household, including his family and servants, ethical monotheism or the nature and character of the One God. We know from later in the scriptures that Israel was and is to be a “light to the nations” (Isaiah 49:6) and moreover, that the nations would be blessed through Abraham (Genesis 12:3) and his seed (Genesis 22:18, 26:4, Acts 3:25).

ancient_olive_treeWe see from this two things: that the Gentiles connect to God through the Jewish people, and that once this connection is established, we may access God directly. To extend this metaphor, just as the servant of Abraham connected to God through his Jewish intermediary Abraham, we who are Christians connect to God through our Jewish intermediary, His Son, Jesus, the Messiah and Savior. In that sense, there is a duality to our nature as Christians. On the one hand, our unshakable foundation is the Rock and the cornerstone that was rejected, and we can trace his lineage all the way back in time from Jesus to Abraham (Matthew 1:1-17). On the other hand, standing on that rock, we continually reach up to the Heavens seeking the Author of our faith and the King of Majesty and Glory for all the Universe.

Rabbi Tzvi Freeman, though addressing the legacy of the Jews, speaks of this in his article “Life’s Roots” at Chabad.org.

We are trees, living two lives at once. One life breaking through the soil into this world. Where, with all our might, we struggle to rise above it, grapple for its sun and its dew, desperate not to be torn away by the fury of its storms or consumed by its fires.

Then there are our roots, deep under the ground, unmoving and serene. They are our ancient mothers and fathers, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rivkah, Yaacov, Leah and Rachel. They lie deep within us, at our very core. For them, there is no storm, no struggle. There is only the One, the Infinite, for Whom all the cosmos with all its challenges are nothing more than a fantasy renewed every moment from the void.

Our strength is from our bond with them, and with their nurture we will conquer the storm. We will bring beauty to the world we were planted within.

While Judaism sees Noah as the “father” of the Gentiles and believes we should look to him for the seven laws by which we should govern our lives, Paul teaches us that we can call Abraham our father (Romans 4) because like him, we are “justified by faith” and it was from Abraham that the hope of the Messiah comes. We stand on the rock and reach up to the heavens.

nightsky1

Chayei Sarah: Creating Eternity

stop-timeIn chronicling the life of Avraham, we are told in the portion Chayei Sarah that “Avraham was old, well advanced in days, and G-d blessed Avraham in all things.” Seemingly, “old” and “well advanced in days” are synonymous. Why does the verse repeat itself?

Our Sages interpret the qualities of “old” — zakein — and “well advanced in days” — ba bayamim — in the following manner: “Old” alludes to the acquisition of knowledge, while “well advanced in days” refers to the filling of each and every day with the performance of mitzvos.

Commentary on Chayei Sarah: “Aging Gracefully”
Based on Likkutei Sichos , Vol. III, pp. 773-778 and on
on the teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe
Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson
Chabad.org

We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. -Chuck Palahniuk

Time is finite. Our time is finite. Yet it is supposed to be possible to be a part of something that will last forever. I’m not taking about our “immortal souls” and an eternity in “the life of the world to come”, although for those of us who have faith, they are realities. I’m talking about what we build here and now that will last after our flesh and blood bodies have expired and decayed. In Torah Portion Chayei Sarah, we have the lives of Abraham and Sarah who though mortal, live on. Although this week’s Torah Portion is called “The Life of Sarah”, virtually the first event we read is that Sarah dies.

Sarah’s lifetime-the span of Sarah’s life-came to one hundred and twenty-seven years. Sarah died in Kiriath-arba-now Hebron-in the land of Canaan; and Abraham proceeded to mourn for Sarah and to bewail her. –Genesis 23:1-2

How are we to understand that the Torah portion called “the Life of Sarah begins with her death? Here’s one viewpoint.

The reading Chayei Sarah (“The life of Sarah”) begins by telling of Sarah’s death, which features in much of the subsequent narrative. This evokes an obvious question: Why is the reading entitled “The life of Sarah”?

This question can be resolved on the basis of our Sages’ statement: “Yaakov our Patriarch did not die.” Although he was mourned and buried, his descendants perpetuate his spiritual heritage. And so, Yaakov is still alive.

The same can be true for any individual. It is the spiritual content of our lives, and not our physical existence, which is fundamental. The boundaries of mortal existence cannot contain this spiritual dimension.

-Rabbi Eli Touger
“Ongoing Life: The Continuing Effects of Sarah’s Influence”
Adapted from Likkutei Sichos, Vol. V, p. 338ff; Vol. XV, p. 145ff
Chabad.org

We normally think of those things that will live on after us as our work, what we meant to others, and the values we taught people. We also tend to think that our children and grandchildren carry forward our legacy and this is all true. But here we see that there is a spiritual dimension to what we do in life that continues to live and make its presence known. There is an ineffable essence to the nature of what we do in the service of God that has a greater impact on this world than all the monuments, statues, and works of the great and the famous throughout time.

Yet, in considering our hope in the future, we also have these examples.

Jesus replied, “Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God? When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. Now about the dead rising—have you not read in the Book of Moses, in the account of the burning bush, how God said to him, ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” –Mark 12:24-27

About eight days after Jesus said this, he took Peter, John and James with him and went up onto a mountain to pray. As he was praying, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became as bright as a flash of lightning. Two men, Moses and Elijah, appeared in glorious splendor, talking with Jesus. They spoke about his departure, which he was about to bring to fulfillment at Jerusalem. Peter and his companions were very sleepy, but when they became fully awake, they saw his glory and the two men standing with him. As the men were leaving Jesus, Peter said to him, “Master, it is good for us to be here. Let us put up three shelters—one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.” –Luke 9:28-33

liveIf we look to our faith and the Author of that faith, we are assured that what we do here and now matters, not only in a physical sense but in the spiritual realm as well (though we don’t understand how it matters). We know that what we do lives on after us, both physically and spiritually. We in fact know that those who have passed away before us are not dead but live eternally and we have been promised that, like Abraham, Sarah, Moses, and Elijah, we will also live. It would be nice if we could accept this promise in absolute terms so that we would never be afraid of the shortness of breath, a pain across our chest, or a mark on our skin that begins to change. But we are only human.

I know that when we are scared, when we are in pain, when we are sick, we become aware of how frail our lives are and how easily they could be ended. In spite of the promises, our faith can be weak and as human beings we are afraid. As human beings, we can doubt the validity and significance of our lives and our actions. When we are under pressure and feeling stress, hope evaporates like water under the desert sun.

That’s when we need to be reminded.

Derek Leman recently said:

When a loved one is absent, especially is they are far away, we keep some pictures of them. It is an act of love, and something we need, to bring out the pictures and look at them regularly. So, when we study the words of scripture, we remember that God is real though hidden. I find that closely, slowly, repeatedly, thoughtfully lingering over the words and puzzling out their meaning and significance is what brings his Presence near.

Reading the scriptures and studying the Torah Portion are more than just exercises of learning and annual habits. They also serve as a reminder for the frightened and the desperate that there is a strength and a life beyond our own. It is a reminder that we are not alone in the world and that we matter, just as who are at this very moment. What we do matters, not only here and not only now, but in the infinite and timeless eternity were God sits on His Throne. Even our softest and most gentle whisper of kindness has power that resounds across the unseen folds of the universe and is experienced by the great prophets and kings of old and even among the angels.

Sarah and Abraham died but everything they did continues to echo in our world and in the world beyond. Sarah and Abraham died but they live forever. We can be like them if we pay attention to what we do and use our lives and our time as they did. We can fill our days with doing kindness to others and our nights with the study of God’s Word. When you doubt, do good, read, pray, and then remember. We long for God. He longs for us. God lives forever. So will we and in fact, in our acts of charity and righteousness, we already do.

Good Shabbos.

Encountering Differences

differencesThe Talmud says, “Precious is the human being who was created in the image of G-d. And an even greater sign of this preciousness is that man was informed that he was created in G-d’s image.”

-Rabbi Shimon Apisdorf
“Freedom and Self Awareness”
Torah.org.

Don’t be afraid of the other person because he is different from you. There is far more in common between any two human beings than there are differences.

As for the differences, think of them as the hooks that hold us together.
Differences are that which we have most in common.

(The Rebbe was talking to children and discussing relationships between Jews and non-Jews).

-Rabbi Tzvi Freeman
“Differences”
Based on letters and talks of the Rebbe
Rabbi M. M. Schneerson
Chabad.org

I was wondering how I’d start off writing about what was on my mind today and Rabbi Freeman handed me the answer in my email inbox. This theme of “differences” has been coming up a lot lately. As most of you who read my blog regularly know, my post on an openly gay Orthodox Rabbi performing a same-sex wedding ceremony has attracted a lot of attention and many comments. What’s really interesting is that the conversation shifted from the primary topic to Orthodox Judaism in general. Add to the mix Derek Leman’s Torah Fundamentals blog series which compares Christian (or Gentile Messianic depending on your perspective) and Jewish differences in how the Torah is read and understood, and a whole “can of worms” is opened up and spewed all over the place. The “Messianic” movement is the intersection where Christianity and Judaism tries to meet and integrate, which is sort of like taking the contents of the can and packaging it together again in a new way. However,  like intermarriage (something I’m familiar with), differences don’t always enter the mixing bowl very smoothly and sometimes there are significant bumps, lumps, and bruises involved in the process (and I apologize for mixing my metaphors along with Christians and Jews).

When Rabbi Freeman quoted the Rebbe in his conversation to children about relationships with non-Jews, he offered some hope that there can be a conduit of communication between Judaism and Christianity. I wish I could have heard the entire conversation. I’m sure it would have been inspiring.

I think the Messianic movement, at least for the Gentiles in it and perhaps for some of the Jewish members, believes the “keys” to the “Judaism” in “Messianic Judaism” are held, in part, by the Orthodox. This may or may not be true in any sense, but because the Orthodox live in a manner so distinctive in its Judaism and tradition, many Gentiles see them as “the real Jews” (some Jewish people think that Christians = Catholics and believe that all Christians follow the Pope and consider the Vatican as our “holy city”). In following the comments on last week’s blog post, it became apparent that what most Christians don’t know about Judaism in general and the Orthodox in particular, would fill volumes. That includes those non-Jews in the Messianic community, but Messianic non-Jews can make their lack of knowledge exceedingly apparent because many are trying to live a “Jewish” lifestyle without knowing that much about Jewish lifestyles.

I suppose it’s one of the reasons I don’t currently worship with Messianics on a regular basis and prefer to self-identify as a Christian. I can probably “do” Christianity a little better than I can “Judaism” at this point (though I’m sure I’d stick out like a sore thumb in any church once I started opening my mouth) and as far as me being a Goy is concerned, it’s a little more honest, too.

While Rabbi Freeman’s previous message is very encouraging, he also wrote a message about guiding each person to their own path:

Just as it is a mitzvah to direct someone onto the path where he belongs, so too it is a crime to direct someone onto a path that does not belong to him.

Each person is born with a path particular to his or her soul, generally according to the culture into which he or she was born.

There are universal truths, the inheritance of all of us since Adam and Noah. In them we are all united. But we are not meant to all be the same.

Our differences are as valuable to our Creator as our similarities.

interfaithFor people who are traditionally Christian or people who are traditionally Jewish in their religious and cultural expression, the path that belongs to them may be quite apparent, but for those of us who straddle the line between two worlds (since I’m intermarried) the path where we belong isn’t always very clear. I know in this, Rabbi Freeman would be the first to say that my path should lead me to a church or perhaps back to Noah, but if combined with the idea of making differences live together, and believing that Jesus was and is a Jew, I can’t allow my focus to become that narrow.

I mentioned yesterday that sometimes I have to take time out from this mess, close the books, get away from the computer, and pray. At the point of prayer (and forgive me for saying this), it doesn’t matter if you’re Jewish or Christian or anything else. The moment you move the rest of the world to one side and you authentically engage with God in prayer, it is just you and God. It can be like Jacob wrestling with the angel in that we struggle with God to understand who we are, who God is (we may even ask His Name), and what we are supposed to be doing. We cling to God and in that embrace demand, “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” (Genesis 32:27). The mechanics of how we pray and the manner in which we conceptualize God may differ depending on whether we are Christian or Jewish, but the need to connect with God and even to contend with Him is universal.

I have been questioning lately where to find wisdom and insight into God in relation to the traditional Jewish texts but here too, there is an answer and a truth, as expressed by Rabbi Freeman, that we can all consume.

Truth can come from anywhere—there is nothing that does not have its truth. Because, without a spark of truth, nothing can exist. Not even falseness.

Therefore, the wise man is he who knows how to learn truth from every person and discover the truth of each thing.

Different religious traditions and different people groups understand themselves and God in varied ways. Sometimes one group will watch the ways of another and respond by being puzzled, confused, or even appalled. Each group thinks they have the corner market on the best way to pray, do good deeds, worship, and even eat and dress. Yet we were all created in the image of God and despite our obvious differences, that image is the universal link between man and man and between man and God.

The Insurmountable Wall

freestyle1All the elaborate proofs, all the philosophical machinations, none of that will never stand you firmly on your feet. There’s only one thing that can give you that, and that’s your own inherent conviction.

For even as your own mind flounders, you yourself know that this is so, and know that you believe it to be so. It is a conviction all the winds of the earth cannot uproot, that has carried us to this point in time, that has rendered us indestructible and timeless.

For it comes from within and from the heritage of your ancestors who believed as well, back to the invincible conviction of our father, Abraham, a man who took on the entire world.

The doubts, the hesitations, the vacillations, all these come to you from the outside. Your challenge is but to allow your inner knowledge to shine through and be your guide.

Inside is boundless power.

-Rabbi Tzvi Freeman
“Conviction”
Based on letters and talks of the Rebbe
Rabbi M. M. Schneerson
Chabad.org

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.”

Albert Einstein

It’s no small feat to try to understand God. In truth, we never will. Religion and theology is the interface by which we try to make some sense out of a God that exists in the realm beyond reason and comprehension. Even the systems we develop that allow us to build a religious interface can be exceedingly complex and practically impossible to navigate. For instance, take my situation. I’m trying to shift my focus from a traditional Gentile Christian perspective to one that includes at least some elements from Jewish wisdom and learning.

It’s not easy. Here’s what I mean.

As we will see shortly, not all rabbinic sources share the view that the Oral Torah was received as a discrete and finite set of traditions. Later controversies between the Rabbanites (early medieval inheritors of rabbinic tradition) and the Karaites (those who rejected the authority of the rabbinic tradition) made this view of Oral Torah particularly appealing to those who accepted the authority of rabbinic tradition.

-Elizabeth Shanks Alexander
“The Orality of Rabbinic Writing” (p. 42)
As published in The Cambridge Companion to the Talmud and Rabbinic Literature
Edited by Charlotte E. Fonrobert and Martin S. Jaffee

Here’s another example from the same source.

In contrast with the Talmud, the Mishnah itself nowhere advances the theory of the Oral Torah and, aside from the opening paragraphs of Avot, seldom calls itself “Torah” or associates itself with either Moses or Mount Sinai.

-Shane J.D. Cohen
“Judaean Legal Tradition and Halakhah of the Mishnah” (p. 122)

Not easy material for the non-Jew to wrap his brain around. Catherine Hezser, in her article for the same publication “Roman Law and Rabbinic Legal Composition” (pp 144-5) agrees.

Rabbinic texts are not easily accessible to modern readers with little exposure to classical rabbinic educations. Even a cursory glance will reveal the imposing compositional nature of these texts.

alone-desert
After three days, I had hoped to leave this topic and move on, but the concept of being an “intelligent fool” is something that I continue to dwell upon. And yet (if I dare to contradict Einstein), I don’t see how to make the vast body of Jewish religious and intellectual law, interpretation, and commentary into anything less than a dizzying conundrum. However, I take some comfort in Rabbi Freeman’s words since he not only describes the “doubts, the hesitations, the vacillations” of my mind in trying to grasp what is beyond me, but says that it’s conviction, not comprehension, that allows “inner knowledge to shine through and be your guide.”

Periodically in my journey of faith, I become lost in the maze of information and details, not just because of its vastness but because of its alien nature. God is alien to humanity and Jewish wisdom is alien to the Gentile (and yet tantalizingly familiar, somehow). I know somewhere there is a bit of cheese waiting for me at the end of the maze if I’m able to correctly trace my route, but I can’t quite figure out which turn to make next.

Yesterday, I quoted from the lyrics of the Jackson Browne song, “Looking into You” (1972) which include:

The great song traveler passed through here
And he opened my eyes to the view
And I was among those who called him a prophet
And I asked him what was true
Until the distance had shown how the road remains alone
Now I’m looking in my life for a truth that is my own

Compare what Browne is saying to Rabbi Freeman:

The doubts, the hesitations, the vacillations, all these come to you from the outside. Your challenge is but to allow your inner knowledge to shine through and be your guide.

I know. I tend to get in trouble when I compare information from vastly different sources, but both men seem to be saying that depending solely on outside information to define reality and meaning isn’t going to work. Yes, study is important, knowledgeable and insightful teachers are important, but while God does speak to us from those sources, He also speaks to us.

I said earlier that religion and theology is the interface by which we interact with God. That’s true. Without them, we could never be able to operationalize a life of faith. We wouldn’t have a starting point or any idea of what actions we should take to enact holiness. But we also need to own our end of the relationship. It has to be part of us and probably it has to be the core of us. Not understanding the complexities of Mishnah, Talmud, and Gemara isn’t a death sentence and particularly for the Gentile, there is nothing specific that commands us to adopt such comprehension and to define our relationship with God by its tenets. I pursue that path of learning because I feel driven to do so, but I also must stop and realize that, with or without that learning, God is here.

There is something of God in each of us, with or without the Bible, with or without the church and synagogue, with or without the wisdom of the sages and the writings of the church fathers. They provide vital context, but they are not God, nor are they the actual relationship, the conduit between man and Divine. It’s that relationship and what we can take from man-on-a-mazeit that is “the truth that is our own” and the “inner knowledge that shines and guides” us to God.

It’s at times like these, when I open my eyes and really see the immense vastness of what I am trying to understand, encounter it with awe, feel overwhelmed, and realize that I have no idea what I’m doing, that I have to close the books for a few minutes, find some quiet place where I won’t be interrupted, and begin, “Our Father who is in heaven.”

Uncertain Traveler

walkingThe Torah is a code which assumes a community tradition to fill in its gaps. That is, the Torah does not spell out how to carry out many of its commands. The details of procedure are often left to the people. And the intention of Torah is clearly not to arrive at a situation like that in the book of Judges, where “every man did what was right in his own eyes.”

In matters of legal judgment, the Torah’s gaps were to be filled in by judges and by a sort of high court (Deut 17:8-13) and the people are not to turn to the right or to the left from the rulings of Israel’s judges. In matters of worship procedure and liturgy, the Levitical priests are the ones who determine the practice of the community.

-Derek Leman
“Torah Fundamental #2”
Messianic Jewish Musings

The Toras HaNefesh learns an important message about when to temper one’s avodah from a statement on today’s daf. “When a person ascends in understanding, he should also develop greater empathy for the pain of others. This is even true regarding fulfilling a mitzvah. If one is overzealous in fulfilling mitzvos, he can sometimes insult another Jew undeservedly. Usually this kind of person has forgotten his friend’s feelings and doesn’t even realize that he has sinned. He might have insulted another Jew, or he might have treated his fellow with less than the honor that he deserves, or he might have forgotten to consider the ramifications of his actions on his friend’s livelihood.

Daf Yomi Digest
Stories Off the Daf
“Send Her Away – No Matter What”
Chullin 141

For yesterday’s morning meditation, I wrote something that is a reversal from my usual theme and asked if a Christian should limit his or her Jewish learning. I know I typically advocate for Christians pursuing the traditional Jewish texts in order to discover the “Jewishness of Jesus”, but obviously this has pitfalls. For one thing, it may not be easy or even possible to really deconstruct Mishnah, Talmud, and Gemara back to that very special first century Rabbi in order to learn what he was teaching within its intended context. I must admit that much of the material I study seems to resemble what Jesus has taught to his disciples, but I know I have probably been deceiving myself. I hope I wasn’t deceiving you.

Wait. Let me explain.

I’m not “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” and I still think there is value in a Christian studying Judaism. I’m still here and I’m still studying, so it’s still important to me. But maybe I’ve been generalizing information beyond reasonable bounds. I quoted that small piece from from the “story off the daf” to illustrate that this information was written by and for Jews. Sure, some of what is presented in Jewish literature can be applied to a larger, non-Jewish audience but a lot of it can’t. Here’s another example:

In any case, since virtually all Jews with an interest in proper practice – lay preachers, priests, pietists, scribes – will have appealed to the Torah for support, the scriptural origins of mishnaic law will tell us nothing about the social group or groups from which the Mishnah derives. Nor can such derivation tell us whether a given law is a pre-mishnaic tradition or a mishnaic creation, since Jews read Scripture both before and after 70 C.E. If a mishnaic law can be shown to derive from a specific mode of reading Scripture, and if that mode of reading can be shown to derive from a specific group or a specific period, then of course the origins of that law would be established. But, as far as I know, convincing examples of this have yet to be adduced.

-Shaye J.D. Cohen
“The Judaean Legal Tradition and the Halakhah of the Mishnah”
Published in The Cambridge Companion to the Talmud and Rabbinic Literature
Edited by Charlotte E. Fonrobert and Martin S. Jaffee

Also, as Derek Leman says on the blog post I previously quoted:

The problem with Torah Fundamental #2 is that modern readers of the Bible tend to prefer the “every man does what is right in his own mind” ethic of our time. Tradition is a bad word. Authority in the hands of a group of people, such as the rabbis, is deemed oppressive and false. The Bible means what it means to me and no one should dictate procedure or tradition. How does Israel’s tradition work and how can those who want to know Torah respect the tradition?

Here is a problem that occurs often in our time: a person discovers Torah coming from a free church tradition and becomes “Hebraic” or “Messianic” and they read Torah as a free thinker descended from the Enlightenment. The people who fall into this trap generally don’t realize that they are reading Torah in a modernist mode. They think they are being true to the Bible.

Even if we look at the same texts as Jewish people, we don’t always see the same things. In fact, to the degree that Gentile Christians lack a Jewish conceptual framework, we are guaranteed not to see the same things. When a Jewish teacher tries to explain this to us, we are likely to reject his comments out of hand, because they go against how our Gentile perceptions construct God, Jesus, and the Bible. I try very hard to avoid falling into this trap and in my own limited way, I think I am successful. But not entirely.

at-the-edgeI struggle with how far I can take my present course and whether or not I’ll go sailing off the edge of the world and into the infinite abyss (I’m being overly dramatic) in my zeal, but the other option is to censor myself and limit what I read and study. I don’t like that idea, either. What I require ideally is the context I lack because I was not born Jewish, not raised in a Jewish home, and not educated as a Jew. No, I don’t regret who I am, how I was raised, and what I have learned in my life as it has been, but my “identity” automatically restricts my abilities and perceptions in terms of studying Judaism.

Some Christians have overcome this barrier, but only after many years of study, usually in a Jewish context such as classes offered at a synagogue, Jewish Community Center, or similar environment. For reasons too lengthy to explain, those options are not currently available to me. Still, I cannot simply let this go. I just have to try to be more careful.

Of course, I’m still going to make mistakes, I just hate making them.

I found something interesting at Chabad.org yesterday.

Wisdom lives in the future, and from there it speaks to us. There is no such thing as wisdom of the past.

Wisdom preceded the world and wisdom is its destiny. With each passing moment, wisdom becomes younger, as we come closer to the time when it is born and breathes the air of day.

Our ancient mothers and fathers, the sages, all those from whom we learn wisdom—they are not guardians of the past. They are messengers of the future.

The truth can never be old-fashioned. It was never in fashion to begin with.

-Rabbi Tzvi Freeman
“Youthful Wisdom”
Based on letters and talks of the Rebbe
Rabbi M. M. Schneerson

I’m used to thinking of wisdom as being locked up in the works of the past and the minds and hearts of people long gone from this world. When I think of “wisdom” as a goal, it never occurred to me to consider wisdom as something we are longing for in the same way we are longing for the Messiah. I know that the path toward wisdom, like living a life, cannot be experienced without making mistakes. Making a mistake is sometimes more helpful in learning something revolutionary than making 1,000 correct decisions. It’s also more painful.

no-danger-of-fallingThe conclusion I’m approaching is that limiting my access to Jewish educational materials isn’t going to help me, but attempting not to stretch them too far outside of their original form and substance might. That still goes against my nature, because stretching or bending information and concepts more often leads to revolutionary or evolutionary learning than playing it safe.

As you can see, I’m still arguing with myself about what I should do and where I should go from here. I just gave a piece of advice to another Christian blogger not to make a change just to reduce anxiety or just for the sake of changing something. In that same vein, I don’t think I’ll change to much around here in the near future. I’ll try to be more careful in how I apply what I’m learning, but to tell you the truth, I learn more when someone comes in here and explains what I said wrong and why it was wrong, than when people come around and say that I got it right (not that I mind complements).

I don’t think I’m really in danger of falling off the edge of the world (and based on the lack of comments in that blog post to date, other people don’t think so, either). However, I do need to verify that my footing is a little more sure sometimes. Perhaps someday, wisdom will lend me her wings so I can fly across the edge and discover the other side.

Why do I do this? Why am I on this rather problematic path? I feel driven by something I can’t explain and I feel that it’s important to try to understand certain things. I believe this trail, for me, is the right one, even though I walk it very imperfectly. I stumble, stagger, and fall like a drunken student on the floor of my school house that keeps tilting and twisting under me. But I’m waiting for something. I’m waiting for someone. Is wisdom coming from the future, tracing a backward path toward humanity like the coming of Messiah?

The great song traveler passed through here
And he opened my eyes to the view
And I was among those who called him a prophet
And I asked him what was true
Until the distance had shown how the road remains alone
Now I’m looking in my life for a truth that is my own

Well I looked into the sky for my anthem
And the words and the music came through
But words and music will never touch the beauty that I’ve seen
Looking into you

And that’s true

-Jackson Browne
“Looking Into You” (1972)

"When you awake in the morning, learn something to inspire you and mediate upon it, then plunge forward full of light with which to illuminate the darkness." -Rabbi Tzvi Freeman